Sunday, June 28, 2009

i'm ok, promise

I went and met my therapist for the first time today. I really like her, and she's already made some good suggestions for me to try and some very true observations about me.

things with k are going very well, and my therapist pointed out that a committed relationship might not be good for me right now--my issue is very much that i take the weight of the world and put it on my shoulders, and do i really need that weight?

it looks like i found a place to live, in a house with 4 vegetarian girls and a vegetarian (male) landlord, right on campus, so thats exciting!

i'm taking a medical leave from the sorority, and thats a good thing too--at the moment its an extremely negative and stressful place for me to be.

SO, in summary, so far things are going well--I didn't manage to do the 2 weeks but I got close, and since that post I've been rather good for the most part.

I'm also going to keep these updates infrequent until I decide if this is a good idea or not. I might restart with the photos, I also have lots of neat upcycling clothing projects going on... but till then xoxo and thank you for the concern, it means a lot to me.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Therapy

So my mum saw the scars on my hand and freaked out.. infront of the entire neighborhood at the neighborhood annual potluck. I told her it was acid, alluding to it being a work accident, but I'm pretty sure at least some of the women in the group caught on past that. That was lovely.

She made a fuss about it today over lunch and my dad asked what it was--this time I told the truth. They want me to go to therapy, and offered to pay whatever the cost, and I think its a good idea to at least try. So I am currently hunting for a therapist/psychiatrist (is there a difference?)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Environmentally Friendly Choice.

So, as some of you may know, I work in the Evolutionary Biology and Forestry (conservation) building of the U of Toronto. Most specifically in the botany section. That being said it's understandable that my workroom is full of rather knowledgeable environmental lobbyists.

We had a discussion, after I read an article in Readers Digest, on what is truly the most environmentally friendly food option. Are GMOs bad at all? (The common belief in the science community is no, they really aren't. We don't get the issue.) Is organic really that great? What about that 1000 mile diet going around?

I came away with some of the things I'd been starting to think confirmed, other lessons I'd thought I'd learnt busted. Here's some interesting tidbits, and unfortunately I simply don't have the time to get you solid proof links. I do have access to a lot of databases the "common public" doesn't, so if any of the following really leave you skeptical, feel free to ask me to do some hunting!

ON EATING LOCAL:
-The 1000 mile diet leaves us the most upset. Why? Because it encourages some rather bad practices including:
-Using land for what its NOT best for. Eg: Land in California can grow up 5 times more strawberries per acre than land in Ontario, without taking into account that Cali needs significantly less irrigation, chemical aids, etc. So why are we wasting all the energy and polluting the environment for local strawberries? Ontario grows peaches so much better than Cali, if you catch my drift.
-Storage facilities. Eating an apple in the summer is NOT natural. How do you think you got that apple? It was in a highly ventilated storage facility which pumped ethylene out like crazy (no energy-efficient feat) and likely with the added help of 1-MCP.. Chemicals are never good, if only because producing them takes yet more energy.
-Believe it or not, the amount of gas per fruit used in shipping it TRANSATLANTICALLY, much less within the same continent, is often less than the amount of gas used by your car in going to get the groceries. Yeah. So when you shop local, take it to mean "from the local grocery store" versus "grown within 1000 miles."
-Don't get me wrong, local and seasonal is awesome, and supporting local farmers at the farmers market is cool. I just mean getting Ontario Apples in March at Loblaws versus something in season.

ON EATING ORGANIC:
-This is a harder one. As for the organic label implying non GMO... honestly... whats up with GMO hating? We develop GMOs all the time, mostly in order to avoid using pesticides or to increase yield. With GMO technology we manage to get the same amount of land to spit out TONS more food--that means LESS land we need to clear in order to make the same amount. Not getting the hate.
-As for the organic label meaning no pesticides.. this one I support fully and totally. Yes yes yes. Yes. Boooo pesticides. (I hate pesticide testing rooms in the greenhouse, creep me out to no end.)

ON EATING SEASONAL
-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. See my eating local rant for why. ;)

Other Labels
So what about...
-Shade-Grown Coffee=greener? Bullshit. It's MORE environmentally damaging: the habitat damage per acre is the same (100%) but because of the 'shade' sources, MORE acres are needed.
-Organic Bananas? Environmentally, bullshit.. ethically good. FREE TRADE Bananas=AMAZING. Organic bananas rely on organic pest control methods such as plastic bagging, and still make plantations which are the prime cause of Malaria, soil degradation, and habitat destruction in places like Costa Rica. On the other hand, at least the workers aren't living and breathing pesticides all day--it's caused entire villages to go sterile. Fun? Free trade gives the bananas back to the farmers, they plant them intersparsedly in the forests causing little habitat destruction, using little to no pest control, and avoiding plantation issues. :D


I'll have to update this as I think of more.. this is just something that's been bugging my mind and I had a free hour just now. That doesn't happen often!

So, to recap. What do I want you to be eating? (I do want you to eat..)

Look for, in rough order of importance:
1. Foods in season. (Mostly environmental reasons)
2. Foods that are free trade, or local. (Mostly ethical reasons)
3. Foods that are organic. (Mostly taste reasons.)

What's in season right now you ask? I did some googlin' for you to report what produce is in season for June:

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Blog Poll



One of the reasons I am somewhat loathe to post is that this was a fitness blog, and it has turned into a bulimia blog, for the most part, with only aspects of the fitness/health from before thrown in.

I was going to post my story, for example, and realized it was pretty intense and unfair to ask anyone who isn't prepared to read a bulimia recovery blog to read it... then again, its unfair to make assumptions.

So, I made this poll.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

An update

First, some updates.

1. I hope to make it through the next two weeks without binging. That's going from almost once a day. My hands are scarred and this is just plain stupid and senseless. As positive reinforcement, every day that I don't binge I get a sticker on my calendar. Funny enough I really enjoy this, and am looking forward to picking out my sticker later tonight. :) Hopefully in two weeks I'll have a really pretty calendar to post a photo of. If I can't do this, I have promised myself to talk to my physician and seek professional help.

2. I hope to take up yoga and or meditation, I feel it would be very good for me. In the past I've always been a bit bored with yoga, but I've looked to it as a physical exercise... perhaps if I look to it as an emotional exercise I will take to it better.

3. I have been reading Real Recovery from Bulimia & Binge Eating and doing some of the exercises. This site is helping me a lot.

I just read: Why Do People Become Bulimic

I was expecting so much bullshit, and instead found so much truth.

Some quotations:

Bulimics are often considered “ideal” children, and will go out of their way to be “people pleasers.” They present an acceptable facade—seeming outgoing, confident, and independent— while anxious feelings bubble underneath. They may be valued for not needing to be nurtured, for taking care of themselves, and for growing up early. Bulimia is a way of expressing what cannot be said directly in words, in this case something like, “I want to be taken care of,” or “Will you love me as I am?”

Sometimes, people use bulimia to postpone growing up. The child who has looked to others for validation and feelings of selfworth and who has assumed a “perfect little girl” role because it works at home may experience tremendous fear at having to trust herself and face the outside world alone. This insecurity is sometimes unconsciously reinforced by parents who also do not want to let go.


This rang true in so many ways. It also reminds me of something my last boyfriend said, the night we broke up (we had a very good chat after we broke up about this and that..) "It didn't surprise me that you were bulimic. You're always trying to be perfect, even though you don't even seem to know what perfect is. You're not even sure what you're trying to be."

As mean as that may sound, I love him a little for saying it, because I realized it was true.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Skewed Perception.

Today I kept thinking about how fat my jeans made me look. They're two sizes two big, so its sorta normal that that happens, so I decided to go get some new jeans. I discovered I'm between a size 1 and 3.. maybe 4 in some really tight jeans. Yet I still am convinced I look fat. Size inflation or not--how ridiculous is that? I KNOW I'm wrong, but can't help but see myself as chubby. And I'm also aware that I'm relatively toned from going to the gym regularly for over 6 months, so its not even the good ol' "small but chubby" (20% body fat is after all considered fit.)

I see girls who are really really thin and generally think "gosh I hope I never get that small".. so why am I pushing myself towards it? Honestly, the girls I'm really jealous of tend to be either a)very toned or b)very tall. So the solution would be to go to the gym, and stop obsessing about weight, and/or get my bones elongated. Since you know, I sort of doubt I'll get the intensive surgery that would be required to make me 5'9", maybe I should just take comfort in knowing if I keep active I'll slowly but surely get more toned... and focus on eating healthy, not skinny.

Wonderful advice, right?

Anyway.. that's my day then.

Monday, June 1, 2009

So the weekend was amazing. I had less episodes, and managed to control somewhat those I had (cutting them off not long after they start... working on not having them start at all, of course, but you take what you can get. At least this is physically less harmful to me!) I discovered my absolute love for gardening.. not surprising I suppose considering how I love studying plants and working in the greenhouse. In any case I planted tomatoes, parsley, cilantro, onions and cucumbers. I'll plant basil sometime this week, as it's good for tomato growth (and tasty of course).. I just really enjoy working in the dirt and making things pretty.

K and I spent Saturday finding him a sofa.. it was actually hilarious to do, just all the different, ridiculous, sofas out there.. the even more ridiculous salesmen, and then meeting Larry: an old, friendly, old-school salesman who charmed our socks off. We went for Ethiopian after and it was absolutely AMAZING.. I don't know what else to say about it. I love that the vegetarian dishes are intrinsically vegan, and the injera (a bready-product, made with teff) is gluten free. Usually injera tastes like napkin, but at the restaurant we went to (Nazareth, at Bloor and Ossington, for those who care) it was awesome!

Sunday we went and watched Up: honestly, that movie is beautiful, simply beautiful. I cried three times, and K must have at least once (I wasn't counting for him, but I noticed he had to wipe his eyes). I really love watching movies with him, as he really makes you appreciate them a lot more. (He is in the film industry, so it makes sense)

I also made some more salsa and black bean dip the other day, and K being a salsa aficionado got half the batch. He claims he loves it, and promises he's the sort that usually would criticize salsa and generally finds people don't make it right. Part of me will always believe that the compliments are for brownie points, but he did ask for more?

I also made some other goodies this weekend (what's post without images?)

Tomato, cucumber, and corn drizzled with garlic infused olive oil and some ground Himalayan salt.

bean salad: white kidney beans (rinsed well), with avocado, apple, walnut and feta cheese on top and a sweet balsamic vinaigrette (made with loganberry jam and fresh orange juice, balsamic vinegar, flax seed oil and garlic infused olive oil, and some local mustard)

tossed.



So, while I doubt I'll do this daily, as it would get repetitive, I think weekly or so it's a good exercise:

I still need to work on not binging. I need to work on not weighing myself. I need to work on not caring about my weight. I need to work on remembering I am beautiful without having the same body type as "that girl over there". I need to remember that I don't need to be the best or most at anything, including physically. Someone else's body does not make mine any better or any worse.

I am great at being happy and enjoying life. I am great at being a supportive, affectionate, and positive influence for K: and accepting his in return. I am beautiful, hot, cute, exotic. I am funny, witty, and smart. I can make people smile. I will do favors without any expectations of thanks or reciprocation. I speak my mind and believe in my opinions. I really enjoy my job, my friends, and my hobbies.

I?m a work in process, and I've got my flaws. I screw up sometimes and eat the wrong things, or too much. I will binge and purge sometimes, without really knowing why, despite how wasteful and self-destructive it is. I will criticize and judge myself and others sometimes. I will let myself loathe someone, or raise my voice in anger, or gossip. But I'm trying, and that alone ensures I can't fail; because nothing can be measured in absolutes in this world, and sometimes sincerely trying really is enough.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Honest Truth...

The honest truth about why I'm not posting is, yes--I am tired a lot, and yes--I do have issues with taking photographs with others around.. but a large part of it is my bulemia has kicked in full swing and hardcore. My throat ached all of yesterday because of some walnuts that scratched me on the way up, plus likely the acid that has been wearing at me for the past week or two. Yeah, its gotten bad.

I've also been eating foods I have put on limited--fruit mostly, but gluten, splenda, etc. are in there too. So you can imagine why I don't post a lot: half of what I eat doesn't stay down, so does it even count, and another portion of that I eat without taking a photo because I'm somewhat guilty about it!

I really need to recenter, refocus, and reevaluate. Maybe the last 2-3 pounds (I'm around 133 now) are NOT worth it. My clothes fit well, I know I'm good looking, I get told I look like I'm 110-115 lbs all the time anyway (yay muscle!) so who honestly cares?

I hope to update soon with a post on my relevations.. though I might do it next weekend: just shut myself up for a day and think, hard. (This weekend I have plans everyday! Oops!) I feel my daily posts will change from just logging my food to logging things like: exercise and how I feel about it or the lack there of, one positive thing I've achieved that day, at least.. be it drank 8 glasses of water, or went to the gym, or helped someone out... and one thing I can improve in.. be it the fact I binge/purged that day or I snapped at someone... Plus some photo foods, of course!

No final decisions yet, just a heads up.

x

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

so tired...

work.. cooking.. photoshoot.. gym.. so tired.

Little words, big photos?

Made salsa from scratch. And (fat free!) black bean dip. So good.
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Dill roasted potatoes
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Salad for today's lunch.
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Cutest mango you've ever seen!
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Broccoli, lightly fried oyster mushrooms, and on the spoon is hummus. Mm.
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pass out time.

Monday, May 25, 2009

I was famished after work! I dug right into the guacamole, and then proceeded to eat a bunch of snacks such as the following:
MAY25E
Dinner was a really yummy chickpea in sauce (olive oil, mustard, asian hot sauce, soy sauce, lime, liquid smoke, honey, tomato puree, and a touch of PB) and a salad with balsamic vinaigrette. I had small portions of each because I was still somewhat full from my snack.
MAY25F
MAY25G
Around 10:30 I was rather hungry again and had a spoon or two of hummus and some more strawberries. :)

Day 1 of being BACK!

A big thank you to finkleberries.. not only for the giveaway which won me a pack of Odwalla bars (wooo!!) but for kicking me back on the bandwagon.

I know its OCD and I'll get rid of my scale right now (I keep it in my dad's room during the week usually) but I had it this morning and weighed myself--back down to 133.8: so at least some of that was surely water weight. Whew! It just sucked thinking all my hard work wasn't working.

ANYWAY. Eats!

Ok first I want to mention I saw TONS Of Luna Bar flavors the other day at the nutrition store in Sherway--Chai Tea, White Chocolate Macademia, All the ones I saw in the states, and more... I would have bought one of each but they were an astounding $2.50 each! I'm tempted to go back and get at least the Chai Tea one anyway: I've heard so much!

We'll seeeee.... maybe that will be my treat if my weigh in goes well next weekend!

Anyway, today I had an oatmeal cookie Luna Bar crumbled on about a cup of fat free yogurt. I also had some frozen papaya (on sale at the moment: well, not frozen, but its even better frozen!).. Mmmm.
may25A
I also had a bit of PB and SF-J with some almond crackers..
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and of course tea!

Lunch is a chopped salad, with lemon poppyseed dressing, and an apple.
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I used the rest of the avocado to make some guac.. :-D (I'll admit to having a bit this morning.. whoa I had a big breakfast! Ready to take on the day!!)
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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Fallen...

So I'm up to 135... might be because I'm bloated (PMS today) but either way, I've fallen off the bandwagon. I'm still eating healthy, but I'm not tracking myself, I've reverted to somewhat mindless eating, and I'm not exercising half as much.

Part of the issue is I hate taking photos infront of family, or K... I just don't like the teasing by my family, or want to wierd out K. The other part is I'm a bum.

Tomorrow I want to climb back on the bandwagon with gusto.. wish me luck--honestly, I was SO happy with my body when I was down to 132, it'd be SUCH a shame, so close to it, to give it up. (It seems like nothing, but these next five pounds in my experience come off my stomach, so it goes flat, and my arms, which are my two main anxiety areas.)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

early riser

I woke up REALLY early today--I'm just excited to be back at work I guess! 5:25 and even after my shower my stomach was grumbling. I peeled a mango and diced it up and added yogurt for later, and ate the skin and around the pit to help tide me over right then. I cooked 3/4 cup or so of pumpkin puree with some almond milk and spices in the microwave to also help tide me over, and had a big mug of earl grey with almond milk.
may19a
at 6:30 I gave in and just had breakfast. I ate the mango and yogurt and then followed up with another 1/3 cup of yogurt and about 1/3 cup of muesli, and more tea.
may19b
I need to get back into the habit of waiting, till at least 7:30!! Ok: tomorrow!!! Hopefully this doesnt throw off my entire day!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Star Trek, Yogen Fruz, and Pumpkin Oats!

May18a May18b
This morning I woke up to a big bowl of pumpkin oats (1/2 to 3/4 cup pumpkin puree, 1/4 cup steel cut oats, 1 cup water, spices and 2tbsp or so of sugar free 'maple syrup') it wa so good I had to nuke some more pumpkin puree with almond milk, spices, and 'syrup' just to make it last longer. I also had a tbsp or two of peanut butter!
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This kept me really full until lunch--I went to Milestones with my family and I had the "Garden Greens" salad, entree size. It was awesome! I also had a cup of fat free, sugar free mango-banana yogen fruz at the theatre.. that stuff is AMAZING. We watched Star Trek and it was mindblowingly awesome. I love it!

May18e
After the movie I had an early dinner--lots of veggies, baba ganoosh, and peanut butter (lots more of the peanut butter and sweet potato, not pictured. Plus some walnuts!) I also had a mango, and a few cups of plain popcorn (with some spices and salt)
May18d May18f

I packed lunch up for tomorrow--yay back to work! I'm also excited to FINALLY be back at the gym (I'll go after work) :D :D (I made some dressing with almond milk, salt, and baba ganoosh in the little bottle there!)
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Sunday, May 17, 2009

She Lives...

Whoa, so I'm back. Life since my last post sped along and I couldn't keep up. So I'll just update:

-I've lost weight. I'm about 131-133 at the moment! I went shopping today and I'm a size 3/4!! I'm rather happy with my body, but since for the most part I'm just eating conciously and when I'm hungry: if I continue to lose weight I wont worry unless it starts to really dip.

-I am currently 19.8% to 20% body fat.. if my scale is correct...!! SO CLOSE.

-I am back from Virginia.. it was a lot of fun but an insane amount of work.

-I love the peppermint chocolate stick lara bar. I found a ton of other flavors at the health food store at Sherway Gardens, but didn't buy them ($2.50 each..! I might break down in order to try the Chai Tea one, but that is all!)

-I had dinner on Friday at Fressen and indulged in the richest, most scrumtious vegan chocolate ganache cake. Mmm. I got a sugar high.

-I am starting a vegetable garden and spent this morning up to my knees in dirt. It was a lot of fun!

-I was going to make flambeed banana crepes for the BSI: Banana, but unfortunately I really just haven't had the time in the one day I've been back to gather the ingredients!

OK! SO since we're caught up, hopefully posting should resume to normal?

Tomorrow is Victorias day! The guy I'm seeing (hereonin to be called "K") is making a stew that is actually me-friendly (I'm impressed..) and I'll make gluten-free focaccia, and maybe some apps for him and some of his friends. Then we're all going to go see fireworks!

Thanks for hanging in there with me guys. I know I've been wretched!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Virginia!!!

So we made it--after 14 hours of driving on Wednesday (I ate very little: sitting doesn't work up an appetite, so nothing to report..) we arrived in Blandy, VA.. Grocery shopping was a blast-so many products I couldn't get in Toronto.. including different flavors of Lara Bars!! I bought any ones I saw that I couldn't get in TO--Chocolate Raspberry, Iced Oatmeal Raisin, and Chocolate Peppermint Stick. I'm excited!...
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Thursday started with a run outdoors (30 min)--becuase of the gravel I managed to avoid shin splints. Purely blissful! Breakfast was plain yogurt by "La Yogurt" which I found incredibly sweet despite the lack of sweetening.. on the nutrition label there is a surprising amount of sugar, but the ingredients list no sweeteners (in fact its just skim milk and bacteria..) well anyway, I had that with rolled oats, softened overnight, and almonds. I also had some hazelnut nut-thins with low fat strawberry cream cheese... mmmmm....
MAY7A
I got to work, and broke for lunch--a nice big salad with olives, carrots, egg whites and "Walden Farms Calorie Free Blue Cheese Dressing" to be honest its just the first lower calorie dressing I saw--I didn't realize it as zero calorie until I got home. Luckily this is MUCH better than their peanut butter (what a disaster that was) and I actually quite like it. I also had some hazelnut nut thins with strawberry cream cheese again!
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After lunc we went back to work, but we took a quick break to go for a small walk... I got to wear my raincoat (It pours here twice a day!!)
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Dinner was a head of broccoli, raw, and some sweet potato, again raw. The graduate student I'm working for bought natural peanut butter with honey, and lacking an unsweetened alternative I took some of that to go with my sweet potato. I used the bleu cheese dressing for my broccoli. I also had a dolmata and an olive or two (unfotographed).
MAY7D
Dessert was one of the Luna Bars--it was just like dessert too. I'm actually not crazy for it, but it was good at the time. I had it with a big glass of almond milk.
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I finished the evening with a few fingers of wine.
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This morning I went for a slightly longer run (35 min). For breakfast I had a little over half an Iced Oatmeal Raisin Luna Bar, a banana, some walnuts, and 1/3 to 1/2 a cup of yogurt.
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I ended up deciding It was better mixed up and smooshed a bit, with some almond milk. Yum. Some of that honey/peanut butter would've gone really well but I had already put walnuts in and didn't want to overdo my nut intake. Maybe tomorrow!
MAY8B

Well, that's all for now--I'll likely post tomorrow morning, if not this evening--work leaves me POOPED.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Finally.. Summer!

Whew, so FINALLY exams are done. Thank goodness!!

Yesterday was my last one.. I started with apple oats--the back one has protein powder on it: I had thought I wouldnt finish a full 1/3 cup of oats for breakfast, but I was wrong. I grated fresh nutmeg ontop of both and goodness, fresh nutmeg is SO delicious. (I hate pre-ground though!)
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I packed a salad for lunch, cut carrots, an apple, goji berries and rice crisps as snacks, and potato+oyster mushroom+egg whites for dinner.. oh and yogurt with frozen strawberries!
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Today was my first day of work! I started off with some plain oats and some walnuts and microwaved frozen banana tossed in. I finished the rest (I can never eat a full 1/3 cup in one go) plain jane.. and i was surprised at how tasty it was just like that!
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I packed a salad with chickpeas in it, a pear, and some rice crisps with 95% low fat cream cheese.. the cream cheese made the crisps not crispy, but apart from that it was good. I could barely finish my lunch! MAY4B
I got home and had a bunch of yogurt and frozen fruit, and chickpeas and tomato sauce. My mom is cooking some oyster mushrooms and green beans for dinner, so that will be nice!

Tomorrow I leave for Virginia, but I'll have my laptop so hopefully I'll manage to post here and there.

Oh, and while I dont know my weight at the moment, a sweater that has almost never fit me right fits perfect. This makes me happy!!

Also.. I am currently seeing someone. This makes me very happy too. ;)

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Busy Day!

And the scale says..... 134.4lbs. That's one more down, 4.4lbs to go.* (For some reason try as I might I couldnt get a fat % reading, just kept Err-ing on me.)

This morning I ate a simple breakfast of leftover rice from last night (I as so full: I ate a TON of campari tomatoes, carrots, and the rest of the baba ganoosh. Thats right I finished an entire tub in one night. I also had sauteed green beans and some onions, so needless to say I could only have some of the rice...) and some tea.

MAY2A

At 10 I have a workout date with a bodybuilding friend of mine. I'm getting him to do cardio (he wants to trim down) and he's helping me with weights. Should be good! We're getting brunch after but honestly, by noon it will be lunch.

I'll spend the rest of the day studying at the library and then at 7pm or so I have my second date with a certain someone. :D

I forsee a good day ahead. Gym, libraries and boys--oh my!

Amanda

*Though I'm truly, secretly, hoping for 125-128lbs, so 6.6-9.6lbs to go in a way...

Friday, May 1, 2009

Ack. 3 days without posting.. really?!

I'm so sorry guys: I keep meaning to, I even have a few rough drafts saved.. the thing is I've had two exams (one which was the worst I've ever written.. and worth 50% of my final grade.. the other I did well on though..) and I've moved these past days. I'm currently exhausted (someone just called and asked for my brother. I hung up on them without a word. It took me a second to realize what I'd just done, find my brother, and get him to find out who it was..)

I just spent the past 9 hours arranging my apartment at my parents'--yes, after eight months at the sorority house, I've moved back. My parents and I love each other dearly, but we clash. (First thing my mother said when she saw me was "your eyebrows make your face look really round. In a bad way." Thanks mom. "Well its true: I wouldn't lie to you."

That being said, I'm counting on my trips to the field, my social life, the gym, this blog, and their trip to europe to keep me sane. I love the new arrangement of my room though, it was well worth the effort!

I do have photos of the past few days' worth of food. So here is another photo-log. I'm way too overwhelmed to properly touch up the photos, so you'll have to excuse them a bit: I really just want to get them up and this post up, so that I can start fresh tomorrow!

April 27th. I was in such a rush studyig I didn't have time to grate my zucchini into spaghetti for dinner, so I made them medallions instead! With past sauce and avocado.
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April 28th. Spent the day at the library. Had some apple steel cut oats with pecans and the last of my cinnamon! Yummm.
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Made some lentil "tabbouleh" and brought along some munchies for studying on at the library.
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April 29th. Studying for the exam that I ended up doing horribly on anyway. I ate at my college dining hall for lunch and dinner. All I have to show is brekfast.
APRIL29A I didn't even have cinnamon. My day was just not good.

April 30th. I got up early to study for my exam today.. started with a bowl of oat bran, as I ran out of steel cuts the day before. It was goopy like the first time, but without the cinnamon it was just fine. Again there was way too much so I saved a bowl for later. I had half a grapefruit with it.
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When I got hungry later I finished my grapefruit and my oats.. I decided to spread seed butter and sugarfree jam on it: closest thing to a PbNJ in oatmeal form. It was delish. I was so hungry I ended up having some puffed millet too!
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Lunch was a nice big salad, and half a can of Amy's Black Bean Soup.
APRIL30D

Did so much better on my exam today!! To celebrate afterwards I went for a walk in Kensington. Bought two whole nutmeg and enough cinnamon to fully refill my cinnamon jar for only 60 cents! I also bought a vintage purse for $15 (mine was getting REALLY ratty) and two pomelo for a dollar in chinatown. I shared one pumelo with a friend at the sorority when I got home (one of the most unlikely friends I've ever had, and one of the dearest... we bonded over pumelo). I also bought a bag of Barbeque Power Pop while I was there, for 99 cents, and was amazed at how good it is. Its gluten free, sugar free, and high protein. Yum! I wouldn't run out to stock up, but I'm glad I got to try it.

Then I went home and all by my lonesome spent the next five hours taking apart my room and packing it into my car. Got home at 11:30 and passed out (after puting the perishables away.) Before I passed out though, I found a letter for me....
APRIL30E
Yay!!! Krista sent me two grocery gift cards as my prize for the BMI challenge. THANK YOU!!!! I do enjoy lemons, but I enjoy the fact I can buy fresh ones with these cards. It's hard to find lemon anything without a million pounds of sugar, if its pre-made!

My dad asked me about the contest so I told him about it, and mentioned that I'd been planning on doing the Pastis de Santiago for the almond entry, which is why I had been trying to find almond meal. He seemed to like that I enter these contests: my parents are convinced I'm anorexic, so anything that reaffirms to them that I eat is a good thing.

May 1st.
I woke up at 6:30am and started to sort things, unfortunately I woke my dad up and he came down bleary eyed and asked me to be quiet.. he also asked me if I ever slept. I thought about it and had to admit, I tend to sleep about four hours a night.. though usually I'll nap 1-2hours a day... I hear sleeping is good for you though, I wish I could convince my body to do more of it in one go.
I went grocery shopping for my parents instead, since I saw they were out of milk... I got back at the much more decent hour of 7:30am and took a shower and then had breakky... rice cakes; one with PbnJ (I know I'm avoiding peanut butter, but they have a maranatha jar open and no one else in my family will touch organic PB) and one with 95% fat free garlic and herb cream cheese. I also had a banana and some nuts. Mmmm. I was so full after this, strangely (you'd think oatmeal was more filling, which I'm used to?)
MAY1A
I got to work at my room and stopped for lunch at 11:30 or so. I tried Amy's Sheppards Pie, and had some veggies and tbsp or two of Wendy and Barb's Skinny Dips Baba Ganoosh.
MAY1BMAY1CNow that's quality microwave food. I'm not a fan of not preparing things myself, but on days like today when I'm really pressed for time, this is amazing.

Dessert was a few pieces of those bananas I froze last time, the 6 for 79 cents one.. wow were they AMAZING. Along with a few of those little mandarins I showed you back when, they're sooo cute.
MAY1D
Later I got hungry so I had liberte fat free yogurt as a snack.. I found out why its denser in calories: this thing is thick like full-fat! It was really good, especially with some frozen fruit.
MAY1E
I was still hungry after so I ate some more veggies and dip, and then split the second pumelo (I ate most of it) with my mom.
Finally, my room is done.. ahh.. well, here comes the summer, and I couldn't ask for a more gorgeous place to be than my parents'.
MAY1F

PS, tomorrow is weigh in day.

PPS: NEWS BULLETIN.

1. Diet Dessert n Dogs is having a cookbook giveaway!! Her cookbook is gluten free, dairy free, and refined sugar free. How neat is that?!

2. Food2.com is having a gift basket giveaway. What I would ever do with all that junkfood I don't know, but I agreed to mention it anyway, so here it is!