Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Honest Truth...

The honest truth about why I'm not posting is, yes--I am tired a lot, and yes--I do have issues with taking photographs with others around.. but a large part of it is my bulemia has kicked in full swing and hardcore. My throat ached all of yesterday because of some walnuts that scratched me on the way up, plus likely the acid that has been wearing at me for the past week or two. Yeah, its gotten bad.

I've also been eating foods I have put on limited--fruit mostly, but gluten, splenda, etc. are in there too. So you can imagine why I don't post a lot: half of what I eat doesn't stay down, so does it even count, and another portion of that I eat without taking a photo because I'm somewhat guilty about it!

I really need to recenter, refocus, and reevaluate. Maybe the last 2-3 pounds (I'm around 133 now) are NOT worth it. My clothes fit well, I know I'm good looking, I get told I look like I'm 110-115 lbs all the time anyway (yay muscle!) so who honestly cares?

I hope to update soon with a post on my relevations.. though I might do it next weekend: just shut myself up for a day and think, hard. (This weekend I have plans everyday! Oops!) I feel my daily posts will change from just logging my food to logging things like: exercise and how I feel about it or the lack there of, one positive thing I've achieved that day, at least.. be it drank 8 glasses of water, or went to the gym, or helped someone out... and one thing I can improve in.. be it the fact I binge/purged that day or I snapped at someone... Plus some photo foods, of course!

No final decisions yet, just a heads up.



Morgan said...

EDs are a bitch. I speak from experience. Best of luck to you!!

I would say something more encouraging, but I don't know you personally...All I can contribute is a friendly ::hug:: and to let you know that you're not alone. Sometimes the best thing to do is to journal. And belief in a higher power is vital to tap into in dealing with an ED.


Veg-a-Nut said...

We all fall down, but just get back up and try each day to accomplish a positive goal each day. Pretty soon your life will be full of ups and fewer downs. Hugs. :o)