Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Honest Truth...

The honest truth about why I'm not posting is, yes--I am tired a lot, and yes--I do have issues with taking photographs with others around.. but a large part of it is my bulemia has kicked in full swing and hardcore. My throat ached all of yesterday because of some walnuts that scratched me on the way up, plus likely the acid that has been wearing at me for the past week or two. Yeah, its gotten bad.

I've also been eating foods I have put on limited--fruit mostly, but gluten, splenda, etc. are in there too. So you can imagine why I don't post a lot: half of what I eat doesn't stay down, so does it even count, and another portion of that I eat without taking a photo because I'm somewhat guilty about it!

I really need to recenter, refocus, and reevaluate. Maybe the last 2-3 pounds (I'm around 133 now) are NOT worth it. My clothes fit well, I know I'm good looking, I get told I look like I'm 110-115 lbs all the time anyway (yay muscle!) so who honestly cares?

I hope to update soon with a post on my relevations.. though I might do it next weekend: just shut myself up for a day and think, hard. (This weekend I have plans everyday! Oops!) I feel my daily posts will change from just logging my food to logging things like: exercise and how I feel about it or the lack there of, one positive thing I've achieved that day, at least.. be it drank 8 glasses of water, or went to the gym, or helped someone out... and one thing I can improve in.. be it the fact I binge/purged that day or I snapped at someone... Plus some photo foods, of course!

No final decisions yet, just a heads up.

x

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

so tired...

work.. cooking.. photoshoot.. gym.. so tired.

Little words, big photos?

Made salsa from scratch. And (fat free!) black bean dip. So good.
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Dill roasted potatoes
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Salad for today's lunch.
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Cutest mango you've ever seen!
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Broccoli, lightly fried oyster mushrooms, and on the spoon is hummus. Mm.
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pass out time.

Monday, May 25, 2009

I was famished after work! I dug right into the guacamole, and then proceeded to eat a bunch of snacks such as the following:
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Dinner was a really yummy chickpea in sauce (olive oil, mustard, asian hot sauce, soy sauce, lime, liquid smoke, honey, tomato puree, and a touch of PB) and a salad with balsamic vinaigrette. I had small portions of each because I was still somewhat full from my snack.
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Around 10:30 I was rather hungry again and had a spoon or two of hummus and some more strawberries. :)

Day 1 of being BACK!

A big thank you to finkleberries.. not only for the giveaway which won me a pack of Odwalla bars (wooo!!) but for kicking me back on the bandwagon.

I know its OCD and I'll get rid of my scale right now (I keep it in my dad's room during the week usually) but I had it this morning and weighed myself--back down to 133.8: so at least some of that was surely water weight. Whew! It just sucked thinking all my hard work wasn't working.

ANYWAY. Eats!

Ok first I want to mention I saw TONS Of Luna Bar flavors the other day at the nutrition store in Sherway--Chai Tea, White Chocolate Macademia, All the ones I saw in the states, and more... I would have bought one of each but they were an astounding $2.50 each! I'm tempted to go back and get at least the Chai Tea one anyway: I've heard so much!

We'll seeeee.... maybe that will be my treat if my weigh in goes well next weekend!

Anyway, today I had an oatmeal cookie Luna Bar crumbled on about a cup of fat free yogurt. I also had some frozen papaya (on sale at the moment: well, not frozen, but its even better frozen!).. Mmmm.
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I also had a bit of PB and SF-J with some almond crackers..
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and of course tea!

Lunch is a chopped salad, with lemon poppyseed dressing, and an apple.
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I used the rest of the avocado to make some guac.. :-D (I'll admit to having a bit this morning.. whoa I had a big breakfast! Ready to take on the day!!)
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Sunday, May 24, 2009

Fallen...

So I'm up to 135... might be because I'm bloated (PMS today) but either way, I've fallen off the bandwagon. I'm still eating healthy, but I'm not tracking myself, I've reverted to somewhat mindless eating, and I'm not exercising half as much.

Part of the issue is I hate taking photos infront of family, or K... I just don't like the teasing by my family, or want to wierd out K. The other part is I'm a bum.

Tomorrow I want to climb back on the bandwagon with gusto.. wish me luck--honestly, I was SO happy with my body when I was down to 132, it'd be SUCH a shame, so close to it, to give it up. (It seems like nothing, but these next five pounds in my experience come off my stomach, so it goes flat, and my arms, which are my two main anxiety areas.)